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TOPIC: Some Bible humor
#9462
Some Bible humor 1 Year, 5 Months ago  
Question: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Answer: Noah -- he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Question: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Answer: Pharaoh's daughter -- she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little profit (oops, that should read "prophet").

Question: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
Answer: Ruth-less.

Question: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
Answer: Nebuchadnezzar -- he was on grass for seven years.

Question: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Answer: Yahweh drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Question: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Answer: Samson -- he brought the house down (Judges 16:30).

Question: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
Answer: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Question: What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
Answer: They really raised Cain.

Question: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Answer: "Your mother ate us out of house and home" (Genesis 3:6).

Question: The ark was built in 3 stories. The top one had a window to let in light. How did the bottom two stories get light?
Answer: They used floodlights.

Question: Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: David -- he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Question: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
Answer: The thought had never entered his head before.

Question: If Goliath would come back to life today, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
Answer: No, he already fell for it once.

Question: What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Answer: Turn right and go straight.

Question: Which of Yahweh's servants was the Bible's most flagrant lawbreaker?
Answer: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Question: Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy?
Answer: The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing.

Question: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
Answer: Because Job 16:12 says: "I was at ease, but he hath broken me asunder: he hath also taken me by my neck"

Question: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Question: Which Bible character had no parents?
Answer: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).

Question: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
Answer: He only had two worms.
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#9465
Re: Some Bible humor 1 Year, 5 Months ago  
Those are funny! Thanks for sharing these.

)
Nicholas Z. Cardot
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#9476
Re: Some Bible humor 1 Year, 5 Months ago  
Those were great. Thanks for sharing.
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#9956
Stoning the woman taken in adultery 1 Year, 4 Months ago  
Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"
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#9965
Re:Stoning the woman taken in adultery 1 Year, 4 Months ago  
That's funny.
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#10013
Re:Some Bible humor 1 Year, 4 Months ago  
doze funny rite thar, i don't car who ya ar.

Scott
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Last Edit: 2009/03/17 12:55 By loyaldefender.
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